Monday, July 30, 2012

London 2012: Ragnarok

The following is a Guest Blog from Tom Duke. For full bios of all our resident guest bloggers, click here. For a slightly less rational take on the same subject, read Craig Lord

To borrow from the mythology of the blogging blockhead of this site, swimming at the 2012 London Olympics has devolved quickly into the ultimate cataclysm of Viking tales: Ragnarok, the event wherein the ultimate battle between the powerful gods and their troll enemies of Jotenheim results in the destruction of the entire world. Such a reaction is only appropriate in the wake of Ye Shiwen's violent throttling of her beautiful, gentle, anglo-saxon ancestried competitors. The conclusion that any simpleton can deduce of such a thorough defeat alongside the breaking of a shiny suit world best despite racing in textile is clear: Shiwen's performance must be fueled Odin himself, or possibly something greater.

Far be it for me to insinuate that Shiwen is cheating, but here are some quotes from anonymous sources from the Ragnarok pool deck:


"THERE IS NO WAY A 16 YEAR OLD GIRL COULD JUST SMASH A WORLD RECORD LIKE THAT" yelled a reporter from America who attributes all of Missy Franklin's success to hard work and determination

By the way, did you know that a teammate of hers (and by teammate, I mean they train in the same country of over a billion people), tested positive for EPO earlier this year. Do with this information what you will. 

Also, did you know that in the 1990s the Chinese totally cheated and they got caught. It's so hard for all the pure, innocent, anglo-saxon, non-german, Australian, British and American athletes to compete on such an unfair playing field. None of those athletes have ever cheated. Again, I am not saying that Shiwen cheated, but no one at all is happy about this amazing result for very obvious reasons.

Asked for comment, Gregg Troy's mustache stated: "You guys can research that for yourselves. It's probably the fastest split by a woman ever". He also is not bitter in anyway or insinuating that any cheating took place. Did I mention that people are upset about this result? 

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